Michael Reisman, M.Ed.
And just like that September is upon us. Summer is waning and school is beginning. With that come the new schools, new classrooms, new teachers, new grades, new backpacks, lunch boxes and schedules. Maybe you are reading this as the parent of a seasoned Kindergartener or elementary schooler. Maybe you are dropping your toddler off at YMCA child care for the first time. Drop off can be overwhelming, especially if you are unsuspecting of the challenge of separation at the classroom door. At North Penn YMCA, we pride ourselves in our pursuit of child understanding during challenging times. Here are some valuable points of advice to consider as you wade through the waters:
- Create a night time and morning routine all about “getting ready” for school. Talk about the fun stuff they are “gonna get to do at school!” Play, friends, snack, stories and lunch are reliable keywords to work into the conversation. Read stories at bedtime that acknowledge the questions of the first day of school. Anna Dewdney’s Llama Llama Misses Mama and Audrey Penn’s The Kissing Hand help ease the transition and normalize the process of separation.
- For school-agers, encourage talking out any first-day anxiety, and validate your child’s anxious feelings. Relating personally to their feelings with your own, similar memories from childhood, noting how you came through, can go a long way to helping your child remember they are not alone, and that their fears are reasonable, yet conquerable.
- Develop a Goodbye Ritual. This should begin at home, maybe with breakfast, and include responsibilities like putting the lunch box in the backpack and setting it by the door. Feeding the dog/cat/iguana (if applicable) or watering the house plants are also examples of feel-good jobs that children can do. Empowering and entrusting builds confidence, which is what you want your child to have at drop-off. Make sure your ritual carries you through the separation. Secret handshakes, high-fives and hug/kiss routines work great. Say goodbye, and “I will see you when…” so they understand your plan to return. Don’t sneak out when they turn their heads. Sneaky teaches sneaky and betrays the trust you are trying to build.
- No matter what age your child, once you say goodbye, go. Don’t look back, linger, or try to sneak peeks. This potentially adds insult to injury when you are trying to get out the door.
- Never let ‘em see you sweat (or cry) at drop off. For many parents, dropping off is an understandable emotional transition. However your child needs to see and hear confidence and trust as you hand them off to the educators and caregivers responsible for them for the next 6-10 hours.
Acknowledge your feelings of apprehension or anxiety as your own, distinct from your child. He or she will pick up on those feelings and translate them as information to heed. If you are feeling overwhelmed, sad, guilty or nervous about your child’s drop-off, you are welcome to talk those feelings out with school leadership. But when you are with your child, especially during separation, you must exude confidence and positivity. You chose your preschool center for a number of reasons, and you must remember and rely on those reasons to push you through the separation in a manner that gives your child the best opportunity to be successful. Feel your fears, acknowledge theirs, but don’t make yours theirs.
- Allow your child to cry when they are upset. A child’s crying can be an easy trigger for parent anxiety. But saying, “Stop crying,” “Don’t cry,” or “You are fine/okay,” delegitimizes their feelings, and creates
Transitions and changes are hard for children AND adults, but they are essential learning experiences, and crying is a healthy expression of attachment to you. You can say, “I am sorry you are so sad. I love you and will be back at the end of the day.” Then turn and go. Your child’s teachers are experienced, educated caregivers who know how to help children cope with goodbye.
About the blogger:
Michael Reisman is Association Director of Communications for River Crossing YMCA. Michael earned a BA in Journalism from Rutgers University in 1997 and Masters Degree in Education from the University of Washington in 2011. Michael has served the YMCA community since 2017, and has over 18 years experience leading and teaching in early childhood education.